Past + Forgiveness

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Childhood Reflections:  

  • What were your examples of love, intimacy and relationships?

  • What was good that you adopted?

  • What were you taught and what was missing? 

  • What is/was your relationship with you father?

  • What is/was your relationship with you mother? 

  • Who taught you about sex?

The questions above are for you to reflect with yourself, and if you desire, with a partner. If you do this with a partner notice what things are similar in how you were introduced to love and how were you raised differently from your partner? 

Homework:

  1. Answer the questions about the past. 

  2. Work with Ho’oponopono: “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.” 

  3. Start to think about a Goddess you would like to identify with during this course. 

  4. When you look in the mirror this week look into your eyes and take conscious breaths. 

  5. Schedule 1 hour intimacy with yourself. 

  6. Journal and meditate about what you discover. 

Sex tip: “Faking orgasms doesn’t help anybody.” 

Communication

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Self

What do you tell yourself in your head? Are you gentle with yourself in your thoughts? What are self-sabotage statements around being worthy or deserving love? Do you have limiting beliefs you need to realize and release? 

Journal: Write the common statements which arise in your mind. 

Affirmation: “I love you because…” you can complete and say this sentence stem to yourself when you look at your own eyes in the mirror this week. 

In Relationship

Co-Dependent: When we do not fully love ourselves we may end up in co-dependent relationships. When you feel like you need someone else to make you feel loved then you are relying on someone else for you love. When you think someone “completes” you there is a problem.

Effective communication: takes honestly, vulnerability, ownership of feelings and trust. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings and each person should acknowledge the feelings of the other without trying to change them. 

Disagreement tips

  • Each person shares for 3 minutes uninterrupted. Partners are not allowed to start with “you”. Maintain eye contact as much as possible. It is also nice to hold hands. 

  • Avoid having spirited and emotionally charged conversations at night after 6 p.m. which is kappa time. Have the understanding that you love each other and can settle the matter the next day or another scheduled time. 

  • Avoid using the word “you” when speaking and embrace using “I”. "I feel.... X” emotion instead of “you make me feel X”.Example: I would feel supported if the TV was off in the evenings by X time. 

  •  “Ed” emotions when used are still blaming the other person. 

Homework

  1. Identify and journal the limiting beliefs and self-sabotage statements you have around your sexuality. 

  2. List 10 things your partner could do to reassure you of their love. Ask you partner to do the same and then share your lists. 

  3. Make a list this week of all the lovers you’ve had in your life. Don’t worry if you can’t remember everybody. 

  4. Say out-loud “I love you because…” when you look in the mirror at your own eyes this week.

  5. Start a daily self-massage practice. You can start with just your hands on your body or you can go straight to organic cold-pressed oil. Kaisen your method, start with 1-2 minutes and increase over time. 

Sex tip: Buy a vibrating razor to shave those tricky spots.

 

Authenticity

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What is being authentic mean to you? 

"Authenticity is a concept in psychology as well as existentialist philosophy and aesthetics. In existentialism, authenticity is the degree to which an individuals actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures; the conscious self is seen as coming to terms with being in a material world and with encountering external forces, pressures, and influences which are very different form, and other than itself.”  

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We need to know what are values are and what our desires are for our own authenticity. Then we can explore them in relationship. 

Homework

1. Meditation continuation; calling love back into your heart from past lovers:


      • Call upon angles, guides, sources light, cosmic unknown etc. to join you for this healing meditation. 

      • Think of a past partner, allow memories to come if they do. Visualize the energy you gave to them coming back into your heart. Notice what you see and feel in your mind and body. Visualize their energy that you still have returning to them. 

      • As you energetically bring back the love and energy you gave away see your heart expand and become brighter, like a radiant star.

      • Repeat this with each name.

      • If you feel the need to, call the energy back from any partners you do not remember, abusers and one night stands etc. 

2. Write down your values. What is true for you? What do you believe? What do you do? Make a list of the values you live by. 

Partner: Ask your partner to do the same. Compare lists and have a conversation about the results. 

3. Write down your needs and desires for love, intimacy and sex.

Figure out what you need. What feeds you physically, emotionally, spiritually? What can you not go without in relationship with yourself? And then what you desire from your partner.

4. Date with yourself - Masturbation

If we do not know how to pleasure ourselves how are our partners going to know or learn how to pleasure us? Partners love it when I can pleasure myself in front of them. If you do masturbate and haven’t done it with your partner maybe try it out this week? 

This is a great week to have a 1-1 coaching call with me if this is new for you. 

5. In the mirror this week: “I love you because…” Now turns into 

“You are divine.” and/or “You are a goddess.” and/or “You are love.” 

Sex Tip: Ask partner about masturbation together. Do they think it would be hot if you cause yourself to orgasm. Some people love this and others do not. Explore!

 

Wholeness

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1. Interplay of masculine and feminine energy 

Reflect on these questions: 

  • Which energy do you have more of? Which energy lines up with your behaviors? 

  • How much less of one do you have? What is the difference? Are you close to balanced? Does it matter to you? 

  • Is your spirit okay with the balance? 

  • What activities bring out the positive masculine or feminine energy for you?

  • Which activity do you feel drawn to do this week? 


2. Refining your values 

 Categories of values could be; home, career, friends, family, health, etc. 

3. Desire and needs for love, intimacy and sex. 

Step 1: You need to know how you feel about this before you can begin to cultivate it in your life. This is important to define for yourself, “what do I values?” and try not to blame your current partner for not doing the things you feel and know you need or want if they aren't. Instead, how can you fulfill some of those things on your own?

Step 2: When you discover something you value and appreciate that your partner already does, tell them this week how much that means to you! 

Step 3: With a partner, have them write down their top 3 things they want or need and value as far as love, intimacy and sex goes. You can then share 3 of your things with them and have a conversation about how to cultivate more of what you both want into your lives. Together you can both move in the direction of fulfilling your desires now you are clear on what you both want and need. 

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4. Meditation in darkness with a candle and mirror.

Its important to sit comfortably in the dark at eye level with the mirror with your candle close by. The purpose of this is to see yourself, possible in a new way. 

Seeing yourself alone, just you staring back at you, what would you say to yourself? Would you be encouraging, comforting, self-defeating, scared, worried, happy, confused. This is all mind work and takes time and patience. We have been working through this all month. 

All you need for this practice is a mirror and a candle, you don’t need music or incense, just a quiet space. Make sure there is nothing reflecting in the mirror that is distracting to you. Relax, take a few long breaths and sit and stare at your reflection.

Try not to break your stare for as long as you can. When you do blink, blink slowly and keep your eyes closed and see if any images or messages come to you, keep your eyes closed until they are gone. You may only see colors at first and you may find that you blink a lot. That’s okay, just keep going and open your eyes again and continue. At this point is where I may move the candle to a different location. 

You may start to become aware of some other feelings, such as anxiety or fear, these are perfectly normal, do your best to stay focused. You may also start to feel disconnected, almost like its not you and you’re watching someone else. If you so feel inclined, you can start inviting people to you, request their presence. Or simply continue with candle light eye gazing and allow images to come to your mind. Its important to only use your mind to communicate with yourself. You do not need to speak aloud.

Set a timer, try it for 10-20 minutes and work your way up to possibly 45 minutes. 

Spiritual teacher Osho taught a technique for mirror meditation in Dynamics of Meditation. His method encouraged a private practice in a darkened room, a candle by the side of the mirror by which one sat. He suggested a 45 minute session in which the practitioner simply stared into his or her own eyes trying not to blink: Even if tears come, let them come but persist in not blinking. And go on staring constantly into your eyes. Do not change the stare.
Indeed it is very common that the practitioner will feel the arising of emotions during the practice. And over time, one comes to recognize that one’s own eyes change as well.
Osho went on to talk about the common phenomenon that occurs with this practice…that of transfiguration…in which the face in the mirror begins to change and reveal the many faces of ourselves. It can be disconcerting at first, because these essences that appear are very real and often quite unfamiliar, from other places, worlds and times. But they are merely aspects of the self: These masks are yours! Sometimes even a face that belongs to your past life may come in. He goes on to discuss yet another phenomenon that occurs…when one’s own reflection disappears altogether: Suddenly there is no face in the mirror. The mirror is vacant.
You are staring into emptiness. There is no face at all. One might also have the experience of not being able to distinguish which is real…the reflection in the mirror or the physical self staring into it. These are the kinds of experiences one has when doing mirror meditation, but they are not the point. The point is, of course, to move beyond all phenomena…to let the emotions, faces, and even the emptiness go. As Osho said: This is the moment! 
Close your eyes, and encounter the unknown.
— Quoting Osho, Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, Dynamics of Meditation, Bombay, India, 1972, page 273

BONUS: Healing a difficult relationship 

Evaluate the old relationship. Think about when it was not a healthy mutually beneficial evolving relationship. Journal the timeline of when it became unhealthy if it did. 

Before you meditate assume the best reality, best case scenario is what happened. 

Decide if there is anything you need to do currently to mend the past relationship. 

Meditation: Sit comfortably, visualize yourself and the other person’s higher self having a conversation. 

Use the ho'oponopono prayer: I love you. I’m sorry. “Please forgive me. Thank you. “

Sex tip: Consider purchasing a vibrating cock ring! I put mine on a dildo when there is no one there to wear it.